Hello friends, I am a little baffled as to why the media is going so darn crazy over this baseball scandal. Heck, I have heard it called the darkest day in baseball history. Really? Worse than when Morgana the Kissing Bandit was banned for life?

Baseball is America’s past time right? Well what could be more American than performance enhancements? Half of America is taking anti-depressants, aren’t those performance enhancing supplements as well? And then of course we get to the real crux of what sticks in my craw. Viagra is a performance enhancement drug!

If Barry Bonds is cheating does that mean I am too? Do I get an asterisk by my records? Would anyone out there say I was cheating just because my use of Viagra allowed me to pleasure all those women from 1996-now? (As an aside while The Hef is not one to kiss and tell, Mr. Bond’s 755 homers pales in comparison to the numbers put up by yours truly — if vaginas were homeruns of course.)

Just because your body won’t perform the way it used to, does that mean you are out of the game? Heck, no. Should the race always go to the fleetest of foot, or the jumble to the quick witted?

I say take whatever supplements you need; Prozac, Rogaine, Viagra, Whiskey, Roofies, whatever. Be free, be groovy, be whatever you want to be.

Until next time, stay sexy America.